Outside dusk is falling. I am sat on the floor between two cots, one child sleeping soundly, the other, bright-eyed, sits staring at me like a prisoner through the cot bars. “Lie down,” I say in an urgent whisper, “It’s late. It’s time to go to sleep.” He shakes his head petulantly. I have been in their bedroom trying to coax them to sleep for more than an hour. My stomach rumbles and my patience wears thin. The hope of ‘achieving something’ this evening gives a final flicker and fades away. The irritation seeps into my voice, as I command, “Lie down now and go to sleep” and try my best “I mean it this time” stare, but to no avail. “No,” he replies audibly this time, “More stories – about a mouse, a giraffe and a spider.” Charmingly sweet in other circumstances but tonight it’s far too late for that. Still, I back off and change my tack. “If you lie down now, I’ll tell you one more story.” “No,” he says frowning, “Sitting up.” Desperate now, “If you lie down now, we can go and get an ice cream tomorrow.” As if magic words, he smiles at me, lies down, closes his eyes and two minutes later I am standing in the kitchen eating cold rice from the pan.

We are widely discouraged from bribing our children. It will set a precedent, we are told, and soon the child will only be willing to behave as requested when there is a defined reward. And then, continues the finger wagging warning, said child will stop accepting the initial level of reward and want more and more and more, until we are left with a rotund spoilt toe-rag – the mind conjures the image of Violet Beauregarde for the Roald Dahl fans amongst us. The child needs to learn what is right and wrong, and understand the benefits for themselves in following their parents’ taught moral code, for the sake of being nice, friendly people that go to bed on command. Of course, I agree in principle but in reality so often feel very tempted down that chocolate-coin-paved path. If only it weren’t so effective at producing the desired results, at least in the short term.

So as I nibble my cold evening meal, instead of behaving like a respectable parent and chastising myself for the successful bedtime ice cream promise, I find myself thinking it rather hypocritical that we adults disapprove so strongly of bribery. Surely, adult life is filled with bribes to get us doing things we would rather not – the biggest difference being that they’re called incentives once you turn 25. What is a salary bonus, if not a bribe? Or, in the spiritual arena, the promise of eternal life? Or, on a smaller, more ice cream equivalent scale, work drinks on a Friday evening? We even bribe ourselves – think of all the diet books which encourage you to treat yourself to other things – manicures, facials, a new pair of shoes – whilst starving yourself of food. Bribes, bribes and more bribes. I admit we are at times driven by other motives: social expectation, a feeling of obligation, even genuine human kindness also play their role. And we are sceptical about the positive impact of bribes when they become too large and disproportionate to the matter they serve to reward – think of how recklessly all those super-charged bonus earning bankers have been behaving. Small bribes, however, seem to be perfectly acceptable, and in fact, widely utilised for the common good.

Pausing briefly before picking up a nectarine to wonder if eating fruit so late at night is wise, I proceed recklessly and am struck by another profound thought. What is punishment, if not a form of inverse bribery. When parents actively punish their children beyond scolding words: stopping of pocket money, going straight home from the playground, taking away a particular toy – something I am usually loathe to do – the incentive becomes not having the fun spoilt, not being deprived of something. So where does that leave us? It must be about finding the right bribe. Say I want to encourage in my children a love of reading, therefore bribing with another story is probably okay. I don’t mind if they have an occasional ice cream, particularly when we know so many of their friends will be at the local ice cafe. That too, though only once in a while, seems to be acceptable.Trampolining is the latest big hit: the promise of that the next day yet another approved method. With that, I promise myself that if I manage not to become irritated at bedtime for an entire week, I’ll treat myself to something special too. Tired but cheerful now, I take myself to bed.