Another aspect of motherhood I had not appreciated before the birth of the twins is that I would always see their faces when I close my eyes. EIght weeks in and I have managed at least twice to send them out in the pram with trusted grandparents but without me. But when I lie down in these peaceful moments in a strangely empty flat, their cries echo in my ears as hauntingly as their reddened, contorted faces drift in front of my eyes. In reality they slumber on silently perfectly rosy faced.
The power of my mind is rather magical in a way, leaving me feeling constantly attached. But I wonder when I may daydream of other things again – in another eighteen years perhaps.