We lay such emphasis on a child learning to talk but spend little time thinking about the uncanny ability of babies and children to communicate before they have words. Last summer my granny described our babies’ early smiles as “their first attempt at communication with the world.” Though all that early crying is a communication of sorts, I suppose it is less like active communication and rather more like a noisy reaction to inner feelings of hunger or discomfort. The smile by contrast, engaging with people and inviting them in, seeks a response. 96-years-old, mother of four, grand and great grandmother to many more, my granny had a point – the smile is the first step in mastering the art and power of wordless communication.

These days, looking deeply into my children’s eyes, at their facial expressions, how they are holding their head or their hands, I can tell almost instantly how they are feeling – whether they would welcome being tossed up into the air, spun around the room, given a bite of tomato, sat down and read to, or being rocked gently like a little baby. If I don’t look intently enough, not paying their non-verbal communication the attention that it is due, I get it wrong. So they cry when put on the floor, brush aside the morsel of bread they’ve been handed, spit out the beaker spout in disgust. At times, this neglect is a matter of necessity – we have twins after all and I can’t always be looking intently into two pairs of eyes, nor constantly carry two bouncing 1 year olds in my arms. And we all get tired sometimes, and don’t really feel like fully engaging, verbally or non-verbally. But mostly, I get it right.

I am often struck when listening to parents or carers talking to small children (or old people for that matter) that their choice of words and tone of voice seems to disregard the child’s current emotional state. It is almost as if they have a blanket voice, intonation and set of phrases employed to talk to all children in almost all circumstances. Try this on an vocal adult, and likely he or she would be indignant; but when it comes to some little person who cannot yet form indignant words, it is easier to get away with this one-size-fits-all approach.

What a shame it is to miss these beautiful nuances of emotion conveyed through wide eyes, raised eyebrows, curling corners of lips, and wriggling fingers, expressing feelings words would only obfuscate. And, how much easier the child is to please when you realise their significance. But this is not just about understanding children: I don’t think we lose this power of wordless communication as adults; we just forget to pay it much attention. Perhaps a few hours observing one-year-olds could replace endless seminars on MBA programmes and markedly improve business results.

My little girl tipped her chin to her chest and peered up at me coquettishly through her long eyelashes. “Oh go on, Mummy” the look said. I melted inside and promptly scooped her up into my arms and threw her above my head over and over again until she roared with laughter. No words were exchanged, but what a lot we understood about each other.