The innocent sounding question, asked by every midwife and mother-in-law, tremours the bosom of any new breastfeeding mother. This question coupled with the obsessive frequent weighing of newborn babies by growth chart obsessed health visitors weakens the confidence and resolve of any young mother.

For the mother with an apparently good milk supply, there then ensues the following inner conflict. I know that breastfeeding is the healthiest choice for my baby. I know that the more I breastfeed my baby the more milk I will produce. But if I fully breastfeed my baby no one knows how much milk he drinks each time. The only measure is the amount of weight they gain and currently the midwife says he is lagging behind and I should ‘top up’ with a bottle. First and foremost, I want my baby to thrive, so I best follow the midwife’s advice and give him a bottle ‘top up’ feed here and there. She says this won’t harm my milk production and it will give me ‘a good rest’. But then when feeding my baby with a bottle and seeing him glug down 80ml and lie there zonked, just as his father might look having wolfed down a pizza in 10 minutes flat, my breasts start to ache and I think this can’t be right. I also know that anxiety can reduce milk production. And on I worry …

Add into the above dilemma the reality of my situation, which is that I have newborn twins – double the pleasure, double the breastfeeding angst. To my inexpert maternal eye, my predominantly breastfed twins are bonny and bouncing. They sleep well, drink enthusiastically, don’t cry too much and kick around energetically like unskilled synchronised swimmers when awake. To my midwife’s scales and growth charts they are not gaining weight as rapidly as she would like. My rebellious side says to hell with that, they behave like satisfied babies. But the more anxious side resorts to the bottle when both are screaming hard.

Ideally, I would fully breastfeed my twins, but the problem is getting the right support and advice without compromising their and my health. No getting up in the middle of the night to heat a bottle of milk, no chance of tummy infections, all those natural antibodies… Often, I think, much advice is designed to let mothers who are not keen to breastfeed off the hook – to say adding in a bottle is fine and you should not feel guilty doing so. But what about advice for those who are really keen to breastfeed? I have an appointment with a ‘breastfeeding consultant’ on Thursday. Perhaps she will have some more seasoned twin experience and understand the committed breastfeeding mother.